Title: Love, Hellmouth Style 31-32
Author: Gileswench
Contact: gileswench@yahoo.com
Feedback: Constructive criticism always welcome. Praise abjectly sought.
Disclaimer: It all belongs to Joss, Mutant Enemy, etc., etc., etc. I just let them have all the fun Joss won't. I own nothing except my twisted mind which you really don't want. Please don't sue.



Anya looked up as the bell above the door tinkled to alert her to the approach of a new customer. The small, plump, white-haired man searched the room, not appearing to find what he was looking for.

"What do you want?"

Leo looked hard at the young woman behind the counter. Despite her gruff words, she didn't seem unfriendly.

"I'm looking for Rupert Giles. I need to speak to him."

"Well you can't talk to him. He's in the back. And he's grumpy today. He probably won't talk to you."

"In the back, you say? Good."

Leo raced for the door before Anya could stop him.

"Hey! That's for employees only! There's a sign!" She snorted in frustration and stamped her foot lightly. "Nobody listens to me today."

*****

Giles didn't even look up from pummeling the punching bag.

"You can't leave the shop unattended, Anya. Please go back."

"I'm not Anya."

He whirled around.

"Leo. Did we have an appointment?" Giles turned back and resumed his exercise.

"No. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Tell you what, precisely?"

"Dammit, man, you got the Slayer pregnant! Are you out of your mind?"

Giles wiped the sweat from his brow and turned to face his friend.

"Actually, I believe I'm finally thinking clearly for the first time in decades. I'm finally living my life as I choose to live it."

"You think the Council will stand for that?"

"I don't think it's any of their bloody business. They fired me, remember? They have no right to decide how I live now."

"When did that ever stop them? And the Slayer is their business."

"And Buffy is my wife. Whether we choose to start a family is nobody's concern but our own."

Leo shook his head sadly.

"I should never have recommended that they take you back."

"A bit too late to think of that, isn't it?"

"You know they never would have taken you back if they'd known there was any possibility of...this."

"Don't take it so hard, Leo. I was desperate. I would have buggered the Pope if it meant they let me back in. What's more, I would have lived the lie for the rest of my life if they hadn't made me give her that damned test."

"They'll find out."

"They probably know already. I told him."

"Told whom?"

"The old buzzard. The Council's prize bull gone amok."

"Your father? He's in town?"

"Oh yes. He tried to convince me to leave her. It won't work."

Leo took a breath and spoke to his friend calmly. "Does Buffy have any idea what you told the Council after your return?"

"No. I've never seen the need to discuss it with her. I'm rather afraid I shall have to, now." He ran a frustrated hand back through his hair. "Why the hell did I say anything to him, Leo? I know I should have kept my mouth shut, but he kept at me and suddenly I was sixteen again and I snapped. I didn't care what I did or said so long as it shut him up. At least it did that."

"A costly victory, Rupert. I only hope the price isn't too high for Buffy."

*****

"So what happened with you and Wes? You guys were so happy when you got here."

"Let's just say I'm not the kind who wants to live barefoot squirting out a brat a year."

Buffy's hand strayed to her belly.

"I don't think Wesley could keep you barefoot if he tried."

"As if!" Cordelia poked her chopsticks in the sweet and sour pork from the Chinese take out she had ordered when she couldn't find any microwave dinners on the premises. "I live for expensive footwear. It's the other part."

"Look, Cordy, you've got lots of time on that."

"Do I? For your information I work in just as dangerous a field as you do, but I don't get super powers to keep me safe. It's all experience and dumb luck. Nobody sent me a faithful trainer, advisor, and lay- down-his-life-for-me guy, either."

"No, but you seem to have two anyway. They even volunteered for the job."

"Like I said: pure dumb luck. And I sort of volunteered myself on Angel. Then Wesley was sort of a stray puppy we picked up."

"So you're gonna ditch Wesley because you don't have super powers and you lucked into him? Some plan, General Sherman."

"No fair pulling the conversation back where you want it to go. Are you gonna eat the rest of the shrimp rolls?"

Buffy turned slightly green.

"You have 'em. They're too greasy for me."

Cordelia ate in silence as Buffy tried to calm her rebellious innards.

"Why didn't anybody ever tell me morning sickness could hit any hour of the day or night? Why do they even call it morning sickness? I get it mostly after dark."

"Well, you are a vampire Slayer. You're not really a morning person, are you?"

"How much longer till Rupert gets home?"

"I dunno. It's an hour maybe till the shop closes. He'll be back soon. And I still can't get used to hearing you call Giles 'Rupert'. It's a wigsome name. He doesn't want this kid to be Junior, does he?"

"I think he'd pretty much barf if I suggested it. Speaking of which..."

Buffy scrambled off the bed and down the hall.

*****

"We need to protect her, Rupert. She can't be alone."

"I'm aware of that fact. I'm working on it now. She has both Angel and Spike with her today, and I'll see what I can do about tomorrow, but I don't have a long term plan yet."

"She shouldn't be in your apartment now, either. That's the first place the Council will look for her."

"I'm not worried about the Council. With the prophecy..."

"They know the prophecy. They know the Giles family. They even know Buffy. They're going to think you're trying to use the prophecy to your own advantage."

"I hadn't even read the bloody thing when this happened. We just...fell in love."

Leo's expression softened at the misery in Giles' eyes.

"I've been planning and scheming and working to protect her since she was barely more than a child herself. If anything happens to her or to the baby, I think I shall go mad."

He spoke with a quiet sincerity that frightened his old friend.

"Then we'd better make sure nothing happens to either one. You have a large group of people you work with. They all have different schedules and different talents. What we need is one place where they can all be together and take shifts protecting Buffy."

"Yes, that's what I thought, but where?"

"I know just the place."

*****

The two vampires finally emerged from the loft.

"It's dark. We need to find Spike someplace to stay. Is Buffy alright?"

"Don't worry about it. It's just a little thing called morning sickness. She's fine."

Retching was heard from the bathroom, along with some mild curses on the head of whoever thought up pregnancy.

The former cheerleader arched one perfectly plucked eyebrow and crossed her arms over her chest.

"If she thinks that's bad, she should wait until she goes into labor. Then comes the joy of poopy diapers. And Wesley wonders why I want him to get snipped."

Both men flinched involuntarily, their hands moving protectively towards their crotches.

"You men have it so easy. You can just do it with any girl and you don't even have to stick around to see what happens. You don't have to deal with the nausea or the stretch marks or the weird cravings or any of it."

"Cordelia, Spike and I are vampires. We can't have children."

"And that lets you guys off the hook how? You were both human once upon a very long time ago. I bet neither one of you was a virgin when he died. And they didn't have the pill back in the dark ages when you two were alive. For all you know, your great-great-great-great grandchildren could be out there somewhere and you'd never even know it. Men!"

Cordelia stomped down the hall to attend to Buffy's needs.

"I think I'm going to have a little talk with Wesley. I don't know what Cordy's problem is, but I'm going to find out."

Angel strode out into the night, coat billowing behind him. A moment later, Spike shrugged, sat on the edge of the bed, and switched on the telly.

PART 32

"You stupid, bloody poofter! You got it all wrong! The answer was 1603. Any sodding schoolboy knows that."

Spike shook his head at the idiocy of American game show contestants. He leaned forward to hear the next question better. Buffy was not quiet in her gestational misery, and silence had never been Cordelia's strong suit. He was interrupted by a knock at the door.

Torn between his interest in seeing what new example of Colonial vapidity was about to be laid before him, and curiosity at who would be knocking on Giles' door, Spike hesitated briefly. A second knock decided the matter. He went to the door and opened it.

Joyce had just raised her fist to knock a third time when the door swung open.

"Oh! I was looking for...Spike? Is that you?"

The vampire turned away without a word to the visitor.

"Slayer! Your Mum's here!"

Another round of retching was heard from down the hall.

Joyce stepped in, Crystal shadowing her.

Spike returned to his program.

"Spike, is Buffy alright?"

The vampire looked, startled, at the girl.

"She's just fine, pet. Bit of topsy-turvey tummy, that's all. You ought to know about that." He nodded at Crystal's abdomen.

"I think she needs a mother's touch." Joyce squeezed her young friend's shoulders before heading for the bathroom. "I'll be right back."

As soon as Joyce was gone, Crystal sat next to Spike. She regarded him quizzically. For long moments, the vampire ignored her. Finally he turned to face her.

"What?"

"Why did you call Buffy 'Slayer'?"

"S'what she is. I thought you'd know, bein' as you're shackin' up with her Mum."

Crystal turned crimson.

"I don't know what you mean."

"Don't worry, pet. I won't tell the others. Nobody's business anyway."

*****

Giles rubbed the back of his neck as he and Leo finalized their plans.

"Now all we need to do is convince the others to go along with this."

"We'll talk to them tonight. We need to get Buffy out of that place quickly. If what you've said about them over the years is true, they'll be happy to do this for her."

"They are intensely loyal to her. Frankly, the one I'm most worried about is Joyce. She's a stubborn woman, and terribly independent."

"Take a good look at her, Rupert, my boy. She's what Buffy will be like in twenty years."

"'All women become like their mothers; that is their tragedy. No man does; that is his.' Oscar Wilde."

"I've read it."

"I want her to have those twenty years, Leo."

Leo shook his head.

"When you fall, you fall hard, my friend. We'll keep her safe, Rupert. We'll keep them all safe."

Giles nodded. "I'll begin making the calls. We'll meet at my place in an hour."

*****

The vampire swept past a very surprised Englishman.

"What the hell is going on with you and Cordelia?"

"Hello to you, too, Angel. Won't you come in? Oh, wait, you already did. Sorry there isn't any blood in the honor bar."

"Okay, I get it. I don't do small talk well. Now, do you want to tell me why Cordelia is at Buffy's place calling you names you really don't want to know about, or do you want me to beat it out of you?"

"Of course, it's all my fault. I might have known."

"Don't sulk, Wes. It doesn't look good on you."

"The next time my girlfriend leaves me and sets all our friends against me because I won't do something unreasonable, I'll be sure to smile through the experience."

"If you hurt her..."

"Why does everyone assume she's the victim in this?"

"I think of Cordelia as a sister, Wes."

"And if memory serves, you killed and ate your sister."

The two glared at one another unsure how to defuse the impasse they had reached. Both started slightly when the phone rang.

"Wyndham-Pryce...yes, hello. I see. Of course. Angel is with me, I'll tell him. Good-bye." Wesley hung up the phone. "We're to meet at the Giles' in an hour. And you can bloody well ask Cordelia what the problem is since you don't appear inclined to care what I have to say on the subject. Did you drive, or are you riding with me?"

Wesley pulled on a leather jacket and took down his motorcycle helmet.

"I...um...walked."

Wesley smiled slightly as he handed the pink helmet to his employer.

"You'll need this."

"Pink? Maybe I just won't bother. I don't look good with hat hair."

"It's the law in California. We don't want to get pulled over, do we?"

With a grimace, the vampire accepted the ladies' helmet from Wesley.

*****

An hour later, the entire gang was assembled in Giles' living room. It was a crowded situation made worse by the fact that Wesley and Cordelia insisted on remaining as far apart as humanly possible in the small room.

Buffy lay in bed with her mother, Crystal, and Cordelia huddled around her. Anya sat in Xander's lap in one chair while Willow and Tara tried to share another without being quite so obvious. Angel stood in a shadowed corner, hands clasped before him, ankles crossed with a studied air of casualness. Wesley sat on the staircase trying not to look at the dark head next to his former Slayer's. Leo took up his post at the desk. Spike alternated between rummaging in the kitchen for something that took his fancy and leaning over the bed in a manner designed to make Buffy glare at him. Giles stood at the fireplace, hands in his pockets, and waited for everyone to quiet down.

At last everyone settled to the point where Giles felt he could start the meeting.

"Thank you all for coming here on such short notice. I'll do my best to keep this brief. I have reason to believe that Buffy may be in danger from the Council again. Therefore, we are moving."

"Moving? Moving where, Rupert? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I'm telling you now, Buffy. I'm telling everyone in this room."

"And just where are you planning on taking my daughter? You told me she was safe."

"I'm sorry, Joyce, I never meant to mislead you. However, since that conversation certain facts have come to light..."

"Don't give me that crap, Rupert Giles. She's coming home with me."

"She will be with you. And with me, and with everyone else here."

"Okay, did I miss something here?" Xander queried. "One minute you tell us you're moving, and now you're staying? Pardon me, but you speak in riddles, oh Jedi Master."

"What I'm trying to say is we're all moving. With Buffy in danger, we need to be in one place to protect her. And one another. the Council knows that Buffy's greatest strength is also her greatest weakness. Once they find they cannot get to her, they will try to get to us."

"You mean you. They'll try to get to you, Giles."

"I can handle myself, Willow. I'm much more worried about the rest of you."

Crystal timidly raised her hand.

"Who's the Council? And why would they want to hurt Buffy?"

*****

Harmony stretched luxuriously and rolled to snuggle closer to Parker. She ran her hand over his still, silent chest and smiled to herself. Who needed Spikey - Spike! - anyway? So Parker wasn't as skilled in bed. In another hundred years or so he would have learned at least as much as Spike. And no Drusilla to be jealous of. Parker was all hers. She made him and everything.

And together they would kill the Slayer.

That would shut Spike up.

Plus it would be fun.

*****

After everyone else had left, Giles got ready for bed and lay down next to his wife.

"So you think we'll be safe at Professor Baird's?"

"You really must learn to call him Leo now."

"You didn't answer my question."

"I trust him with my life, Buffy. What's more, I trust him with yours."

"That's good enough for me. I hope he has a big place. After all, some of us can share rooms, but there's still an awful lot of us."

"Do you remember last year, that day you came to visit me rather than spend time with your roommate, Kathy?"

"The day I found out you were a jogger and a secret motorcycle fetishist?"

"That's the day. I told you I was going to visit a friend who had a Guttenberg Demonology?"

"Prof - Leo?"

"Yes, Leo."

"I'm guessing a Guttenberg Demonology is expensive?"

"Frightfully."

"So I guess he can afford a place big enough for everybody. Okay. Slayer Central, here we come."

She leaned in for a kiss, and snuggled against him. Neither shut their eyes for some time.


THE END

until the next time...


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