Title: Odd Couples 2/16
Author: Gileswench
Feedback: Constructive criticism always welcome. Praise abjectly sought.
Disclaimer: It all belongs to Joss, Mutant Enemy, etc., etc., etc. I just let them have all the fun Joss won't. I own nothing except my twisted mind which you really don't want. Please don't sue.

When they got to the restaurant, they found Joyce just getting out of her car.

"Hey, Mom," Buffy said. "Where's Xand?"

"He's running a little late with work. Lately it seems like he's the busiest carpenter in town."

"Well, the love of a good woman has been known to have a salutary effect on a man," Giles grinned shyly.

"Uh huh. That sounds suspiciously like an attempt to butter me up, Rupert."

"Butter you up? Why would I need to do that?"

"Smooth, babe," Buffy said, smiling broadly. "You're gonna make her think we're springing something nasty on her."

"Are you?"

The couple laughed nervously.

"Nasty? I don't think it qualifies as nasty, really...."

Buffy trailed off when her mother went pale and swayed slightly on her feet.

"Oh my," Joyce breathed.

In an instant, Giles was at Joyce's side, supporting her.

"Let's get you inside, shall we?"

Buffy fluttered nervously at her mother's side. When she saw Xander's car pull up, she slowed down to wait for him.

"Buff? What's up? Is something wrong with Joyce?"

"It's okay, Xand. She just got a little woozy. I bet she skipped lunch again. I'm sure she'll be fine as soon as she's had something to eat."

Xander shook his head.

"I'm worried about her. She's been sick a couple times lately, and now this? That's it. I'm making a doctor's appointment for her tomorrow."

"She's been sick before? And you didn't tell me?"

"I just thought...maybe it's the flu or something. It's probably nothing. I'm sure it's nothing. It's nothing, right?"

"O-kay, I think someone needs to get a grip before we go in. Rupert's with her now, so she's in good hands for the minute. And she'll probably be better once she's eaten something real."

"Are you sure, Buffy?" Xander asked anxiously. "You don't think this could be something Hellmouthy, do you? It always strikes when people are happy, and I've never been happier in my life than these last couple months."

Buffy wrapped an arm around her friend's waist.

"It'll be okay," she said with as much false confidence as she could muster. "If the doc checks her out and doesn't find anything, we know the man with a plan and all the books to back it up. I think I could even find a way to bribe him into helping us."

"If it involves sex, I don't want to know."

"I won't talk abut my sex life with Rupert if you don't talk about yours with my mom."

"It's a deal."

They caught up to Giles and Joyce as they were being lead to a table. He helped her into her seat, then took his own as he asked the waiter to bring some water and a small salad for Joyce along with the menus. Buffy and Xander slid into their seats hurriedly and looked to Giles for answers. He shrugged helplessly. Before anyone could react any further, they heard a familiar voice.

"Well, Xander, I see you replaced me very quickly. You said you would be heartbroken forever when I left. Did forever come and go already?"

"A-Anya?" he croaked out. "You're here, too?"

"Obviously, since I'm standing here and we're talking. How long did you wait before you asked Buffy to give you orgasms? Was it a whole week?" She turned her focus abruptly. "Giles, how nice that you and Joyce are together. I imagine you're both much more relaxed now. I approve of your relationship."

"Actually," Buffy said as soon as she could make her vocal chords work, "you've got it all backwards. I'm with Rupert, and Xander's with my mom. In fact, I hate to be the one to break it to you, but they got married a couple months ago."

Anya frowned and turned back to Xander.

"So...you're not with Buffy?"

"No. I'm not with Buffy. That would be a little sick what with the whole stepfather thing, and all."

"And you *are* with Joyce?"

"Yeah. We took the plunge."

The former demon thought for a moment.

"Good," she said at last.

"Good?" Buffy squeaked. "You mean, you're happy about this?"

"Well it's not as if I wasn't the one to break up with him. Besides, a man reaches his sexual peak in his late teens and a woman reaches hers at around forty. This means Joyce and Xander are both in their prime, so to speak. Now you, on the other hand, are twenty years away from your peak and Giles is about thirty years past his."

"I beg your pardon..." Giles began.

"He is so not past it!" Buffy exclaimed.

"Statistically speaking, Xander and Joyce have a better sex life than you do. Well, I have to go. I'm meeting someone here for dinner. I'm on a date. Can't keep my date waiting. I hope you are all very happy together."

With that, Anya turned on her heel and left.

"Is it just me, or does she get stranger every time I meet her?" Joyce asked with a shake of her head.

"Trust me, Honey, it's not just you." Xander took Joyce's hand. "Now how about you? Are you okay? Really okay? 'Cause we can just go if you want."

"No, really, I'm fine. Don't make such a fuss."

"But I like to. And I want you to see a doctor, okay? Gotta make sure the little woman is healthy."

"Actually...I already saw one. And I got the results today."

Joyce hesitated. Everyone else leaned in.

"Well?" Buffy demanded. "What's wrong?"

"I thought at first I was getting the flu. Then, well, I thought I might be hitting the change. And then I thought I might be dealing with both at once. But I'm not. Oh dear, I was going to tell you first, Xander, but, well, Buffy does need to know this and Rupert is practically family...."

"What? What is it?"

"I'm pregnant."

Xander's mouth opened and closed a dozen times before he could produce a sound.

"Huh? Wha...? You...me...huh?"

The color drained from Buffy's cheeks. She turned on Xander.

"You knocked my mother up?"

Giles blinked several times in rapid succession.

"Good lord," he breathed. "How di...I mean, h-how far along are you?"

"Thirteen weeks, according to Dr. Hammond." She took Xander's hand across the table. "Well?," she asked nervously. "What do you think about that?"

"I think...I wish I was old enough to order a drink, because I might need one."

"Breathe, Xander," Buffy said. "And you might want to tell your wife you're happy about this while you're at it. You are happy, aren't you?"

"I think overwhelmed is more it right now, but I plan on getting to happy as soon as I get over a serious need to faint."

"That sounds as close to an answer as you'll get just now, I'm afraid." Giles smiled ruefully at Joyce. "Of course, this is good news."

"Yeah," Buffy agreed. "Definitely of the good, Mom. It's good news, and good news should be shared...right, Rupert?"

Joyce and Xander shared a look, then focused as one on Buffy.

"News? What sort of news do you have? You're not - oh, Buffy...."

"No, ohmigod, no, Mom. I'm not. We've been way careful, I swear."

"TMI, Buff. I don't want to know about you needing to be careful."

"Well if you're not...then what is it?"

Buffy held out her left hand so her mother and stepfather could see the sparkling diamond on her ring finger.

"Surprise?"

"You're getting married?"

"Yeah, Mom, that's usually what it means when a girl's wearing a rock this size on this finger."

"Oh, Honey, it's beautiful, but are you sure you're ready? You're so young."

"Um, Mom, allow me to direct your attention across the table to your studly young trophy husband who is almost exactly two months younger than me."

Joyce had the good grace to blush at that.

"I'm sorry," she told her daughter. "It's just kind of hard to think of things that way when you're talking about your baby."

"I know this isn't what you wanted for Buffy," Giles said, "but I promise I'll do everything in my power to make her happy."

"Wait a minute, I just thought of something," Xander said in a stunned tone of voice. He turned to Giles. "You're gonna marry Buffy, right?"

Giles nodded.

"Okay. Got it. And I married Joyce, for which fact I really don't need outside confirmation. Got that one."

"And your point?" Buffy asked.

"Is anyone else hearing choruses of 'I'm My Own Grandpa' about now?"

Buffy glared and Giles rolled his eyes. Joyce smiled and looked nostalgic.

"I haven't thought of that song in years. It was my father's favorite. How on Earth do you know about it?"

"Dr. DiMento."

*****

That night, two couples across town from each other lay in bed thinking about the events of the evening.

"I still can't believe it," Xander murmured as his hand caressed his wife's belly. "There's a little person in there. A person we made. It's a lot to take in. Sorry I babbled so much earlier. It's just...a lot. Frankly, I'm a little terrified."

"Terror is the only rational response, believe me," Joyce laughed. "I remember when I found out I was pregnant with Buffy. I spent the next eight months in a complete tizzy. I was only a couple years older than you are now, and Hank and I hadn't really said anything about kids, and, well, I wasn't quite sure what to do at first."

"You mean...you don't mean you thought about...you want to have this kid, right?"

"No, no, of course I want it," she assured him. "It was sheer panic. I didn't seriously consider it. And as for this baby...I never thought I'd have another chance. I don't intend to waste it." She shook her head sadly. "I made so many mistakes with Buffy."

"And yet, look how she turned out. Joyce, your daughter is incredible. She's brave and strong and funny and loyal to her friends, and, okay, her taste in men is a little strange, but if she's not going to become a nun, as I've so often counseled her to do, Giles isn't a bad second choice. She's like...the princess in a fairy tale. She's supposed to end up with Prince Charming, I guess, but she goes and falls for Merlin, instead. And you know what I think about that?"

"No, what?"

"I think that makes Buffy smarter than your average fairy tale princess."

"Should I be jealous?"

"No way! Why would I want the princess? I've got the Queen." He leaned down and kissed her warmly. "You know I love you, right?"

"I think I'm getting that." She twined her arms around his neck. "Don't worry. You're going to be a wonderful father."

Meanwhile, in a bed on Oakpark Street, a very naked Buffy lay entwined with her equally naked fiancé, their heartbeats slowing as they recovered from their lovemaking. When she giggled, Giles raised one eyebrow at her.

"What is it now?" he asked humorously. "Have you discovered some joke about my body?"

"Nu-uh. Your bod is no joke." She ran her fingers through the curls on his chest. "Actually, I was thinking more about Mom's little bombshell tonight. The look on Xand's face was pretty funny."

"The look on yours was quite a study, as well."

"Okay, so I was kinda floored, too. It's funny. I pretty much figured I was gonna be an only child for the rest of my life. I always wanted a little brother or sister to boss around. I guess I thought if it was gonna happen, it would have by now. And Mom...well, if I'd had to pick which one of my parents would get all frisky and do the deed now, I would have thought it would be my dad. I'm glad it's not. This way, at least I know about it. I'm not sure Dad would say anything at this point."

Giles pulled her closer and kissed her tenderly. She sighed happily and caressed his cheek.

"You're getting stubbly," she observed.

"Did you want me to shave before we go to sleep?" he laughed.

"Nah. I just noticed, that's all. I like to notice things about you when I'm all afterglowy. Everything's nicer then."

He was silent for a moment. His expression turned serious as his hand cupped her cheek. At last, he smiled softly.

"Very much nicer," he agreed.

With a final kiss, he reached over and turned out the light. Buffy snuggled closer to him.

"Rupert?"

"Yes, Buffy?"

"Does it make me a bad person that I'm a little freaked about this whole sibling thing?"

"Only if it makes me a bad person that I find it disturbing to think Xander is going to be my father-in-law."

She shook her head.

"This is one weird family."

NEXT