Title: Older Men, Far Away 1/23
Author: Gileswench
Contact: gileswench@yahoo.com
Date: 3/9/03
Spoilers: Through Selfless on Buffy and Spin The Bottle on Angel. It's
been about as thoroughly Jossed as possible, but so what? That's what
fanfic is for. Slight references to a couple lines from Get It Done,
but I'm just taking a ridiculously optimistic stab at the meaning.
Summary: The women of Buffy meet the men of Manchild. Romance,
confusion, and nookie ensue.
Rating: NC17
Pairing: Buffy/Giles, Willow/James, Cordelia/Patrick, Anya/Terry
Category: Crossover/romance/smut/humor
Distribution: If you've had my permission in the past, you have it
now. All others, ask and ye shall receive.
Feedback: Constructive criticism always welcome. Praise abjectly sought.
Disclaimer: It all belongs to Joss, Mutant Enemy, etc., etc., etc. I
just let them have all the fun Joss won't. I own nothing except my
twisted mind which you really don't want. Please don't sue.
Notes: This one comes to you courtesy of Cindy B.'s challenge which
reads as follows:The ladies of BtVS and Cordelia go to England to talk
Giles into coming back to Sunnydale. When they arrive, they find that
Giles has taken up with a bad crowd...the men of Manchild, looking for
companionship and good times. By the end, all the girls are paired
off. (I am going to make this a general challenge, but I prefer
Buffy/Giles, Willow/James, Anya/Terry and Cordelia/Patrick.)
Requirements:
1. Giles/James are related. (Twins - cousins)
2. Giles thinking the Manchildren are immature and shallow.
3. The Manchildren thinking Giles hopelessly stuffy until they see the women that come looking for him...Then thinking him a sex god.
4. Someone remarking that since James had his dick done it's almost as big as Giles'. (You can use dick, penis, willie or whatever seems most appropriate.)
5. A happy ending. (No torture, mutilations or character death)
Optional:
1. A Ripper moment.
2. The girls being disgusted at first that these older men are hitting on them.
3. One of the girls (*cough*Buffy*cough*) being upset that Giles is actively dating younger women when he never made a move on her in all their years together.
4. Sexy dancing.
5. Buffy threatening Terry.
6. Terry becoming insulted at an age comment.
7. Willow thinking James Bi-sexual because of his investment(the nude male painting).
Dedication: To Cindy for this lovely challenge, to Gail for her
excellent beta skills and unfailing friendship, to GilesFan for her
wicked mind, to Blair Ryan for allowing me to use a fabulous line of
his invention, to Fabrisse for encouraging this madness, and to Rari
Coss, just because.
Buffy, Willow, and Anya sat in a disconsolate row on the sofa watching Casablanca and passing a bag of cheesy chips back and forth.
"Why are we watching this movie?" Anya demanded. "I wanted to feel better, not worse. D'Hoffryn sends assassins to kill me and you try to cheer me up with a movie about Nazis?"
"It's a good story, Anya," Willow protested. "It's all about love and sacrifice and, and figuring out what's important in life."
"It's about being abandoned," Buffy grumbled. "Rick abandons Ilsa, or Ilsa abandons Rick...I'm not really sure who's doing the abandoning but it's being done and it's stupid. Abandoning people doesn't make things better. Ever."
"Are you complaining about Giles again?" Anya snapped. "If you want him around that much, why don't you just call and ask him to come back and train you again?"
"Because I have to prove to him that I really can do this on my own," Buffy said, her mouth tightening into a narrow line. "Anyway, I don't want him to come back until he wants to come back."
"I miss him," Willow admitted quietly. "It gets hard sometimes to hold the magic in when he's not around."
"I miss the way he gets all grumbly when I tease him," Buffy sighed. "And how he always comes up with answers, even when it doesn't seem like anybody can."
The three fell silent for a long moment. At last Anya spoke.
"Me, too. I miss Giles, too. Even when he didn't like me it wasn't because I used to be a demon. And he didn't hold it against me when I was one again."
"I wish he was here," Willow said.
Buffy rose to her feet.
"He should be here," she said. "He should be with the people who care about him and want him around. Dammit, he should be with his Slayer. It's his job to be with me. And you guys need him, too. Plus, let's face it, Dawn could really use at least one stable adult in her life and none of us can be that for her. Screw Casablanca! This leaving for someone's own good thing is a total cop out."
"What're you saying, Buff?" Willow asked.
"I'm saying it's time we went to England and dragged Giles' British butt back here where it belongs."
Willow and Anya shared a dubious look. At last they shrugged and turned as one to face Buffy. Anya spoke for both.
"When do we leave?"
*****
Cordelia didn't know where she was going, only that she needed to get away. Away from Angel and Connor and the Hyperion Hotel and LA. The memories that had flooded her brain were too much to handle. It wasn't just the memories of the past year, either. It was all of them. Remembering falling in love with Angel at the same time her brain had to reprocess her memories of the year Angelus terrorized Sunnydale was more than she could deal with. It acted as the ultimate mental cold shower.
"What was I thinking?" she scolded herself as she drove. "I wasn't thinking at all. I was just drifting, and that is so not me. Why is it I always choose guys who are bad for me? Devon? Xander? Creeps who impregnate me with demon spawn on the first date? And after all that, what do I do? I go and fall for a guy I can't even have sex with and nearly Mrs. Robinson his kid while I don't know who any of us are. Well, it ends now. The next guy I get together with will be good for me. And have money. Lots of money. I'm sick of being poor. And hey, designer clothes didn't stop me from fighting evil before, I don't see why they would now."
Her foot depressed the gas pedal even further.
She hardly noticed when she sped past the sign that read 'Welcome To Sunnydale'.
*****
Five men sat in a sauna wearing nothing but red towels and black rubber sandals. One looked supremely bored and three hung on every word as the remaining one detailed his latest conquest.
"You could have balanced a tea tray on her breasts, they were so firm," Terry averred.
"Then they can't have been real, can they?" Gary said. The others glared at him. "What I mean to say is, a bit of sag, a bit of wobble, that's how you know they're real and not balloons. I like it when tits are a bit jiggly."
"You'd just like to get your hands on any tits other than Cheryl's," James drawled. "Or were you talking about your own?"
The others sniggered, except for James' twin who continued to look utterly bored.
"Might we talk about something else?" he begged.
"I think we've offended him with our rude behavior...again," Patrick said. "What would you care to discuss, Rupert? Art? Music? Fine wine? You never truly understood any of those things. Puccini and tribal knick-knacks, I ask you! I sometimes wonder how on Earth you and James were brought forth from the same womb."
"And has James become an expert on art in my absence?" Giles smirked. "What did Patrick talk you into wasting your money on?"
"It's not a waste," James protested. He recited his mantra by rote. "In ten years, it'll be worth five times what I paid for it."
"Could we get back to my story?" Terry asked petulantly.
"Why?" Giles asked. "It's the same story you tell every time we come here. You met a twenty-two year old model and had sex with her. Wonderful. I'm happy for you."
He leaned back and closed his eyes, signaling that he didn't wish to be disturbed further. It was about as successful as similar maneuvers had been in Sunnydale.
"You're just jealous because we get more fanny in a week than you do in a year," James huffed.
"Oh do grow up, James," Giles snorted. "We're nearly fifty. Don't you think it's time you stopped trying to be Peter Pan?"
"Would the two of you stop bickering so I can hear the rest of Terry's story?" Gary asked.
"Oh, never mind," Terry snorted. "Let's just go. I think we've all had enough steam."
*****
Cordelia brought her car to a halt before a familiar house.
"It always comes back to Buffy, doesn't it?" she decided with a roll of her eyes. "Even my subconscious can't think of anyone else to turn to." As she got out of the car and slammed the door shut, she realized it wasn't Buffy she'd come to see.
"It's Giles. I want to see Giles. He'll know what to do."
Still, if there was one thing Cordelia knew, it was that where Buffy was, Giles would be nearby. She put on her best smile, mounted the steps and rang the doorbell.
A moment later, Willow came to the door.
"Cordelia?"
"Hi, Willow," Cordelia said with an almost comically broad grin. "Is Buffy or Giles here?"
"Um...Buffy's here, but Giles is in England."
Cordelia's grin disappeared.
"England? He's in England? What's he doing there?"
Willow shrugged.
"Living. Without us. Maybe having a life now."
"Well we need to put a stop to that right this minute!"
"That's what we just decided," Buffy called over her shoulder as she raced up the stairs. "We're going to England to bring him back."
"We?" Cordelia asked with a perfectly arched eyebrow.
"We. Three," Willow said. "Buffy and Anya and me. And I gotta stop saying things that end in 'e'."
"You mean we four," Cordelia corrected her. "Get packed, grab your passports and I'll drive us to the airport."
"I've got mine and Buffy's got hers, but Anya doesn't have a passport yet."
"Then it's just us three. I always keep mine in the glove compartment, just in case."
"She said she was gonna get one. I didn't really want to know how, if you know what I mean."