Title: To Catch a Rat
Author: Donna
Pairing: Um.....do i have to say it?
Summary: The lunch lady catches something lurking by her kitchen
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Joss and Co. own all. I own pets.
Dedication: To Ewie and Taggie for starting this list and to any
future therapist that I might have to go see for actually writing
this fic. *wink*
I'm sorry....I tried to resist....truelly I did...but....they kept
talking to me and.....um...sorry...I'll shut up now.....
Snyder peeked around the corner; gratified that no one was in the hallway. He slunk down the hall and carefully peered through the doors into the cafeteria. Again he was in luck, no one was there. He managed to open the doors without making a sound and quickly snuck behind the serving lines into the little niche he had found the last time. It was behind the ice machine and next to the broom closet, but before the kitchen. It was a tight squeeze and rather uncomfortable, but it afforded him the best view of the interior of the kitchen. He barely squeezed himself into his hiding spot when SHE appeared. He barely bit back a moan of desire as she tucked her lank hair back into her hairnet. Her sensible shoes made these little `squeak- squeak' sounds as she bustled her generously proportioned hips around, busy preparing lunch for the little vermin that posed as students.
He wiped the sweat from his brow as his body heated up just watching her. She, 'Bertha', Snyder breathed her name, bent over the industrial sized stove to check on something in the oven.
"Nearly risen." She muttered in gloomy satisfaction.
"I'll give you something that's completely risen." Snyder muttered under his breath, useless trying to adjust his erection in the tight quarters. He watched her poke and scurry, all the time muttering about the 'vile vermin' and 'one day they will get theirs' and 'ungrateful little rodents'. One of the things that so attracted him to her, was the total repugnance they shared for the students of Sunnydale High. She would start muttering and threatening and he would just swoon. 'One day', he would always swear to himself, 'I will go to her and tell her of my love.' But, he always lost his nerve. What would she, the perfection of her, ever see in him? He sighed; forgetting to be quiet for his ladylove had ears like a bat.
"What?" Bertha swung around, hearing the sigh. "If it's one of you vermin sneaking into my kitchen," She grabbed a rolling pin off a shelf. "I'll brain ya but good!" She marched out of the kitchen, sensible shoes squeaking like mad and slammed through the door. Scowling, her eyes darted around the empty cafeteria. Not seeing anyone, her homely face smoothed out into her costmary frown. "Humph!" She exclaimed. She turned and started back into the kitchen when a light shining off a shiny object caught her attention. She spun around the edge of the door and grabbed for the shiny thing.
"Eeeoooch!" Snyder screamed as his head was caught in her obscenely strong hand.
"Snyder!" She gasped letting go of his baldhead in shock. "What are you doing behind there?" Her heart fluttered and other parts fluttered as the fantastical thought that maybe he was there to see her flittered through her mind and was just as quickly pushed away. After all, what would HE want to see her for? He was perfection itself. The object of many late night bouts with her favorite battery- operated device.
"Um...a...I..." Snyder stuttered, totally at a loss for words. How could he tell her? She would spurn him. Laugh at him. He looked into her beady eyes and suddenly, his desires, need, want, over-ruled his brain and he blurted out. "You! I was watching you." As soon as the words left his mouth, he hung his head and braced himself for her derision. All he heard was her breathing. It was getting faster and faster until it resembled an old steam engine ready to explode. He lifted his head, determined to take her rejection like a man.
Bertha couldn't believe her ears! Snyder was there because of her?! She put a hand to her bosom and began to hyperventilate. All her fevered dreams were coming true! She blinked, her eyes caressed his manly form and there, right before her eyes was the inescapable evidence that he was telling the truth. Her body went liquid at the sight of it.
"Snyder." His name was a moan of desire. His eyes bulged out at the sound of that desire filled moan.
"Bertha?" He whispered, a hand hesitantly raising to her.
"Yes! Yes!" She all but screamed."Snyder! Take me!"
Snyder shuddered as he almost came there and then. He couldn't believe it. It was almost like the feeling he got when he got to expel one of the students. Their lips met in an awkward wet, passion- filled kiss. Hands, tongues buttons went flying as they grappled together. Snyder tried to draw her into him, to finally feel every luscious curve against his body, but for some reason, she was not cooperating, but pushing him. He finally opened desire-fogged eyes to see that she was trying to get him into the kitchen. He willingly let himself get shoved back through the doors and gulped when he heard the lock click.
Bertha smiled at her lover boy seductively and ripped the hairnet off her head, shaking her brown hair free. Snyder's zipper almost broke at the sight. His breath was coming in great wheezing pants as she bore down on him. She pressed him back against the stainless steel prep table and smashed her mouth back down on his. Hands resumed their frantic groping as passion raged unchecked.
The bell rang, unheard by the two in the kitchen. The students began their noisy trek into the cafeteria for lunch when they were silenced by the most ungodly sound they had ever heard and for most of them who lived all their lives on a Hellmouth, that was quite some noise.