Title: Crying in the Rain
Author: Tag
Paring: B/G-ish
Rating: G
Spoilers: Tabula Rasa s6
Disclaimer: I own nothing; the BTVS-universe belongs to its creator Joss Whedon, UPN and Fox. The song “Crying in the Wind” belongs to Søs Fenger and her record company and who ever wrote the song…
Summary: Buffy is dealing with Giles departure… sort of
Distribution: My site, Gabi, Dee if they want it. Anybody else just ask.
Feedback: uhm… sure if ya want to.
Dedication: To Gill, happy birthday hun
Thanks: Cashew for betaing

She couldn’t believe it. He had left her and gone back to the mother country even though he had promised never to leave her. The worst part was that she had believed him then, thought he was different from the others, but once again the y-chromosome had turned out to be bad news for Buffy Summers. Slayer or no slayer, she had never been able to keep her males, only difference was back in LA it had been her dumping the boys and not the other way around. Okay maybe she did leave Pike behind, but it wasn’t her fault she had to move, not like Angel who chose to move or Riley that took off to some jungle… and now Giles… her rock had left her behind in an area full of sharks with no land in sight, nothing to keep her up and she felt like she was drowning.

There he was talking big about responsibility, taking it for ones actions, for Dawn and then he ran off. Technically he wasn’t responsible for her, Buffy, at least not the person Buffy, but he did have a responsibility for the Slayer. She had even made sure it was official again last time the pricks from the council had dared to challenge her, and still he had run off.

Didn’t he know how important he was to her? Thinking back she realized that he probably didn’t, she had never said it, not really. Mostly she had teased him and used him. Oh how she wished many things had been different.

I’ll never let you see
The way my broken heart is hurting me
I got my pride and I know how to hide
All my sorrow and pain
I’ll do my crying in the rain

If she had just told him she loved him, he might have stayed. If she had taken her responsibilities serious he might have stayed… then again maybe not.

If I wait for cloudy skies
You won’t know the rain from the tears in my eyes
You’ll never know that I still love you so
Though the heartache remains
I’ll do my crying in the rain

She missed him terribly and until recently she hadn’t known why. But how to tell a man in England that he had broken her heart when he left? How to let him know without sounding needy or childish? How to let him know she had grown up?

Raindrops falling from heaven
Could never wash away my memory
But since we’re not together
I look for stormy weather
To hide these tears I hope you’ll never see

It was time to make decisions. She couldn’t involve the gang, they wouldn’t understand. They’d just say she was selfish and he deserved a life. Of course he deserved a life away from her, but didn’t she deserve a second chance? When he had left she had been so screwed up, out of tune with herself and her surroundings, being pulled out of heaven does that to you…

Some day when my crying’s done
I’m gonna wear a smile and walk in the sun
I may be a fool but till then darling you
Never hear me complain
I’ll do my crying in the rain

She couldn’t call him; she had tried but lost her nerve before she had even finished dialing his number. No, it had to be a letter, the pen mightier than the sword and all that…

Finding the paper and pen wasn’t the difficult part, getting the words just right was.

Some day when my crying’s done
I’m gonna wear a smile and walk in the sun
I may be a fool but till then darling you
Never hear me complain
I’ll do my crying in the rain
I’ll do my crying in the rain
I’ll do my crying in the rain

Dear Giles

I’m sorry I drove you away, I never meant to.
I miss you so much it hurts.
I’ve been a good slayer and done as you told me to, keeping up with training and all.
Oh and I’ve been major responsibility girl with Dawn, she’s calling me drill sergeant Summers.
She was very annoyed with me in the beginning but it seems to work now. We still haven’t heard anything from our dad, and money is running short so I have to go and get a job since slaying just doesn’t pay enough.
Willow isn’t the same anymore, she’s darker, kinda like I was when I first came back, and I think she might have problems controlling her magic… They don’t think I notice that kinda stuff but I do.
I hope all is well in the tea-drinking mother country. I won’t call it home; I still claim now and forever that your home is here in Sunnydale, here with me.
Sorry if I sound selfish but we belong together, Slayer and Watcher and I’m very sorry I drove you away. I guess I should have said this to you when I had the chance…
Anyway I hope you’re happy where you are, practicing your social skills and getting your life back without self-involved dumb teenagers harassing you 24/7.

Love,
Buffy

She folded the letter and wrote his address on the envelope.

For two weeks the letter lived in a drawer before she had the courage to mail it and as the letter left her hand she panicked. Only the fact that it was bright daylight with lots of people on the streets prevented her from ripping the mailbox apart.

As she walked home she could feel the raindrops falling on her head.