Tag's Rooftop - I Don't Know You Anymore

Title: I Don’t Know You Anymore
Author: Tag
Paring: B/G-ish
Rating: G
Date: 16.01.02
Spoilers: Tabula Rasa s6
Disclaimer: I own nothing; the BTVS-universe belongs to its creator Joss Whedon, UPN and
Fox. The song “I don’t know you anymore” belongs to Savage Garden.
Summary: Giles’ point of view, sequel to “Crying in the Rain”
Distribution: My site, Gabi, Dee if they want it. Anybody else just ask.
Feedback: uhm… sure if ya want to make me smile…
Dedication: To EW, Happy Birthday sis
Thanks: to Jac for betaing and make me put in the song that eventually gave me the title ;)

He hated Monday mornings; well actually he had started hating every morning waking up knowing she wouldn’t be part of his day. He was afraid to go out in case one of the children no, one of the young people called and told him a vamp had gotten the upper hand and she was there no more. He hated his job as researcher for the council. When he had been with Buffy he loved doing it because he knew if would help keeping her alive yet another day. He remembered, what seems like ages ago, when she’d had Willow sneak into his office to steal a diary so she could read up on Angel. She had distracted him by teasing him and told him he needed a hobby, and that cross-referencing wasn’t a hobby. He wished he could tell her she was right, but calling her would do neither of them good. She had to learn to stand on her own to feet, and he needed to get on with his life.

<Tomorrow… > he thought, <tomorrow I’ll make a new start, Mondays are no good in that department. > He smiled a little and moved on to his books, translating obscure texts to English. Around noon he heard the mailman dump something in his mailbox. Putting his work down he went to get it, hoping it would be the file he had requested from the council.

The letter that greeted him made his heart thump faster than ever; it was a small envelope with an unfamiliar handwriting but the stamp was American. It looked like each letter in his name had been caressed but the address had just been scribbled down in haste. He turned the envelope to see if the backside would reveal the sender, nothing. Curious he went back inside and found his paper knife, but something made him stop. He lifted the letter to his nose and breathed in, savouring the smell of the paper and weak traces of a perfume he knew all to well, an odour that used to drive him crazy. Did he dare to hope it was from her? Or was it just some of the others getting the paper from her?

He sat for a long time staring at it before gathering the needed courage and slowly cut the paper to get the actual letter out and began reading:

“Dear Giles

I’m sorry I drove you away, I never meant to.
I miss you so much it hurts.
I’ve been a good slayer and done as you told me to, keeping up with training and all.
Oh and I’ve been major responsibility girl with Dawn, she’s calling me drill sergeant Summers.
She was very annoyed with me in the beginning but it seems to work now. We still haven’t heard anything from our dad, and money is running short so I have to go and get a job since slaying just doesn’t pay enough.
Willow isn’t the same anymore, she’s darker, kinda like I was when I first came back, and I think she might have problems controlling her magic… They don’t think I notice that kinda stuff but I do.
I hope all is well in the tea-drinking mother country. I won’t call it home; I still claim now and forever that your home is here in Sunnydale, here with me.
Sorry if I sound selfish but we belong together, slayer and watcher and I’m very sorry I drove you away. I guess I should have said this to you when I had the chance…
Anyway I hope you’re happy where you are, practicing your social skills and getting your life back without self-involved dumb teenagers harassing you 24/7.

Love
Buffy”

He felt a tear slip down his left chin, soon followed by another. He didn’t know he had hurt her this much, but it seemed like she needed the separation to realize a few things. He hoped she’d be able to forgive him and realize it was for the best. He vaguely noticed the song playing on the radio:

I would like to visit you for a while
Get away and out of this city
Maybe I shouldn't have called but someone had to be the first to break
We can go sit on your back porch
Relax
Talk about anything
It don't matter
I'll be courageous if you can pretend you've forgiven me

Returning to his work he wondered what to write to her in return. He had left half his soul behind but on the other hand he wouldn’t give in just yet and return only to be her doormat. He needed reassurance that she needed him not to lean on, but because of who he was/is.

Because I don't know you anymore
I don't recognize this place
The picture frames have changed and so has your name
We don't talk much anymore
We keep running from the pain
But what I wouldn't give to see your face again

After starring at the same page for 2 hours he decided to take a break, grabbing his coat he went outside to get some fresh air, clearing his head and find a suitable answer. Did he want to go back just yet? Or should he stay, maybe get her to come here to convince him to go back with her?

I know I let you down
Again and again
I know I never really treated you right
I've paid the price
I'm still paying for it every day

He decided on the last option and returned to his flat to write the letter.

So maybe I shouldn't have called
Was it too soon to tell?
Oh what the hell
It doesn't really matter
How do you redefine something that never really had a name?
Has your opinion changed?

Dear Buffy

I miss you too quite a bit actually. I’m glad to hear you have taken up your responsibilities and I’m sure you will find it is not so bad. It saddens me to hear Willow might be too attracted by the dark magic, but I’m afraid there isn’t much I can do, I tried to get her to listen to me before I left but she wouldn’t hear any of it. You didn’t mention Tara in your letter, is this because Willow drove her away as well?
I have to say I don’t appreciate the way you talk about my mother country and I have no idea where you got the stereotype from, but I would suggest you came over here before you jump to conclusions!
Maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad idea, bring Dawn along too, during the school holidays, take a little break from the slaying. Don’t worry about money for the ticket; I will let the council’s expense account cover it. The only downside to that would be you might have to pay them a visit at their headquarters in London.
We have a lot to discuss; I’ll ring you in a couple of weeks, let you have some time to consider it.
And you were never dumb. Careless, self-involved yes, but you were also a teenager and I do miss you all. Give my love to our friends and Dawn.

Love Giles

I see your face
I see your face

He reread the letter before putting it in the envelope, hoping she could read between the lines and understand he loved her as much as she loved him, but he wasn’t ready to let her walk over him again. He hurried to the post office to make sure the letter would be sent today. Once he saw the letter being carried off he felt a strange calm spread throughout his body. In a week he’d know.

The End!

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